then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
