HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You don't make any sense
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