i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
