We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
