Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
