Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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