Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize