its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize