I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
