My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
