U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
