they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
