I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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