I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
