I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
