I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize