My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
