If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize