Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
