i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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