So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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