a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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