I bet he comes in French.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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