note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
