I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
