We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
