The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
