Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize