I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
