Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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