I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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