so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
