I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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