no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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