dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
