: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
