Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
