I just made out with a guy for $7.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
