he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize