Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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