I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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