the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
