i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just want to make out with him forever
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love you.
Bad choice
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
