non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
