I think scott just propositioned me for sex
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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