Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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