TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
