He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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