I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
