How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
