Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize