shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
