i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
