i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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