All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
