Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize