I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
