Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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