3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
