While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
