Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
