omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is the high leading the old right now
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
