he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
