Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
