My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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